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A Tribute to the Ladies

Go Scottish Dancing

Written for Burns Night 2004

A tribute to the ladies here
Is what I present now;

They are the fairer sex you know.
To them I give a bow.

For what’s a gentleman who’s lost
nine-tenth of his intelligence?

A man like that is called divorced.
But pity though the dance

With just one half of the pair
And that would be much worse.

The ladies groan that half their lives
are ruined by their par’nts.

The second half though of their lives
is ruined by their kids.

But it’s ruined worst of all
by men who cannot rights and lefts.

Few ladies can admit their age;
Few men can act it though.

No wonder then old hags in pink
and clowns dance in a row.

What is the difference between
a dog and new husband?

After a year, the dog is still
excited to see you.

But, who can lead you down and up
and dance it three times through?

They say the lassie has legs just
to get from bed to kitchen.

But, we know the truth is this:
she needs them just for dancing.

Five tips I give you now on men:
It is important that

A man helps you around the house
and that he has a job;

A man that you can count upon
to dance with you the jig;

A man should love and spoil you;
A man should make you laugh;

But, do not let each know about
each other man you have.

When lad and lassie had a fight
there’re different things they’ll do.

He’ll take a wobbly table leg
and fix it with a screw.

She’ll cry to fasten their relation
like tightening a screw.

But, they should really go to bed
and there they ought to…
Talk about their problems by candle light till the wee hours of the morning and then go Scottish dancing the next evening.